a journey

sitting among the ashes

2010-04-24T17:00:00.004-05:00

This week has been quite the week. Last Saturday, I developed a strange rash on my neck and under my chin which I deemed an allergic reaction to a nickel necklace I borrowed a few days earlier. Starting on Sunday night, the rash started itching severely. I spent the next few days in and out of the campus health center. The campus doctor I saw was not very cooperative when trying to work with me on an effective solution. Not only did the creme she prescribed not seem to be helping, but just trying to apply the creme irritated the area and created an incredibly itchy sensation. I called the doctor around Tuesday to ask for an oral steroid solution but she denied my request, despite my desperation, and even recommended that I stop applying Benedryl creme which was the only thing that seemed to provide temporary relief. I don't remember a time in the past year I've been more in pain than in those few days. I was taking at least 2 Benedryl pills a day and applying an ice pack to the area more than several times a day. My housemates felt genuine compassion for me. Kaitlyn came back from the store on Tuesday with my 2 medicinal requests, along with a Freebirds burrito for my dinner, chocolate milk, and ice cream. Anna woke up early on Wednesday to take me to an outside clinic where I was finally prescribed oral steroids.

I think I cried more between Monday and Wednesday than I have all year long. My condition frustrated me beyond belief because not only was I in pain, but it was completely preventing me from engaging my schedule and carrying out my usual activities. I went to give a class presentation with my group on Tuesday with red, puffy eyes, having only halfheartedly rehearsed it twice. Also, I had a finance paper due Thursday but it seemed like every time I tried to sit down to work on it, the itchy sensation would flare up. I was so indignant that this condition was slowing me down. However, my resolved attempts to resist it would completely break down with every itchy episode, leading to a fresh flow of genuine tears of frustration. Even through my pain, I sensed the Lord's presence with me. Beth Moore's words from Passion kept echoing in my head: "if God did not see that it could be used for your equipping, He would have said 'no'". I had to believe that my discomfort had a purpose and I was desperate for God to show me His will through this circumstance.

I think God granted me a few nuggets of wisdom through all this. First, I'm realizing how little I actually depend on God on any given day. How little I legitimately acknowledge with my life and my attitude that I can't live or function without Him. Second, I had spent some time meditating on Mark 11:22-25 a few days before this incident and I wonder if God could be using my skin condition to test my belief in His promise, challenging me to believe that if I have the faith to believe that He can heal me, it will be done. Third, I'm learning that intimacy with Him is not a given, even in suffering. As much as I can know in my head that Jesus has felt my pain and even so much more, something different has to happen in my heart for me to actually find joy in that. It requires me to lift my eyes above my circumstances and actually want the Holy Spirit to change my heart. I'm becoming convinced that joy can only be a product of the Holy Spirit working in my heart, helping me to relate my suffering to the suffering of Jesus. In that, He is giving me a new understanding of Matthew 11:28-30. Lastly, I'm learning to cherish moments of peace. As soon as I woke up on Thursday morning, I realized that I didn't feel any sensation at all around my neck but knew it would come back once I started moving around. Without shifting my position at all, I intentionally thanked God for the gift of a moment of peace and relief.

Even now, I'm still not really well. The oral steroids have done a lot but the severe itching on my neck has only been reducing to a prickly sensation of sorts. The rash on my neck had started looking better but last night, I woke up in the middle of the night subconsciously scratching at it. Now, the area just looks bruised and I don't know if I delayed the healing. In addition, I've developed all these little red bumps in different places on my body and they keep cropping up. They don't itch very much but still feel irritated, especially when clothing rubs at them. They weren't there when I went to the clinic on Wednesday so I have no idea if they are related to the rash or not.

I wish I had a resolute, concluding statement to this post but I really don't. I want so badly to be back to normal and am asking God for it but for this moment God has said "no" and is asking me to say "hallelujah" back. I'm trusting Jesus to heal me and restore my skin but don't know when or through what method it will happen. In the meantime I will choose to sit among the ashes with Job and accept this trouble from the Lord, trusting that He will absolutely use it for His highest glory.

"'Have faith in God,' Jesus answered. 'I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the heart of the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore, I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours...'" Mark 11:22-24

valentine's day

2010-02-14T19:30:00.003-06:00

My lovely roommate Anna and I currently find ourselves doing our schoolwork together in quite the romantic setting, complete with dim lighting, pink carnations in the center of the table, sweet smelling candles, relaxing classical music, Passion hot tea, warm blankets, and our beloved stuffed animals sitting in our laps. I have tons of work to do in the next 1.5 weeks (2 of my classes are front loaded), but I'm thankful to have these little moments of quiet and rest, even if I do have to be writing my financial analysis paper at the same time. Needless to say, I'm greatly looking forward to the end of the month when a large bulk of my schoolwork this semester will be finished. Until then...

Happy Valentine's Day!

wd-40 is amazing

2010-02-10T23:50:00.002-06:00

Ever since I moved into our house this past August, I noticed that my bedroom door hinge squeaks every time I shut or close the door. It's one of those things that irritated me at the beginning but I was too busy getting settled into the new semester and it seemed pointless to make a separate trip to the store for it. By the time I was in the groove of things, I was pretty used to the squeaking. That is, until this winter as I find myself opening and closing my door multiple times each morning as I attempt to balance getting ready for my day in the freezing bathroom and darting back into my warm cave (thank you, Sunbeam space heater) to 'recover.' The squeaking is much more noticeable when my housemates are still sleeping and it's dead silent in the house.

At the store today, I finally remembered to pick up a small bottle of WD-40 to see what I could do with the door. When I got home, I shook the bottle and sprayed a couple times on the top hinge as a starting point, assuming I'd have to test the door and spray multiple places before finding the source of the problem. After waiting a moment, I tested the door a few times and was startled at the result... absolute silence.

SO crazy! I continued testing it and sure enough, not a peep! I even dragged both my roommates (who have always been quite amused by the quirky nature of my door) upstairs to witness the incredible transformation. I can't believe that I endured 6 full months squeakiness from bedroom door and all it took was 1 spray from a little bottle to fix. A-MA-ZING - that's all I have to say.

wise words

2010-02-08T08:16:00.001-06:00

You cannot be with people all of the time and have a ministry to people. The impact of your ministry to people will be in direct proportion to the time you spend away from people and with God.

the joy of serving

2010-01-22T23:31:00.002-06:00

Last semester, I started volunteering one hour a week through a local non-profit that seeks to support the education system by providing mentors from the community to tutor and build relationships with students in certain public schools. The program I am a part of involves high school seniors and the effort is geared toward increasing students’ standardized test scores to meet a pre-determined “College Ready” benchmark. In short, we don’t want these students to have to waste a bunch of money taking remedial classes in college.

In my first few weeks, I met seniors Bethany, Paige, Jenny, and Briana and we started going through writing and reading exercises. Their capabilities and interest in the subject matter varied widely and even though their attendance was fairly sporadic, I was happy to think of them as my “regulars.” Writing was a struggle to get through for all of us – my kiddos didn’t enjoy putting forth the effort required for such a subjective subject and after all, who wants to sit down and write an essay in front of your tutor during your advisory when you could have easily have skipped the class? Yeah, exactly. Reading was better although I didn’t get to be as much a part of this process because I was blessed with such a tremendous amount of time off for Christmas break. I can only hope that the other tutors in my classroom provided good instruction for my girls.

With less than 3 weeks left before the next standardized testing opportunity, our group moved onto math today. As I grabbed the math binders from the bookshelf, one of the other tutors commented, “So you’re braving math today?” to which I happily responded, “Oh, I love math actually, Calculus was my favorite subject in high school!” As I walked to the back table, Bethany was waiting for me. Just as I thought it would be a one-on-one session, I noticed that Paige and Briana were sitting across the room. I tried to ignore the scowl I got from Briana (who has generally been the least interested participant) as I made them move to the back, all the while acting as enthusiastic as possible. A young man who I didn’t recognize was sitting a little ways off asked me if we were doing math. When I affirmed and invited him to the table, he shuffled over in his chair. I was thrilled to work with 4 students on my favorite subject. We worked through problems involving fraction conversions and operations, with all the students working at slightly different paces. All of my grade school training for these types of problems came back to me as I worked with them and I was able to demonstrate and teach certain processes and methods that worked well for me when I learned. At several points, I had the whole table smiling, and even laughing over my witty comments on their behavior (e.g. their tendency to whisper answers to each other when one of them was stuck). We worked all the way to the bell. Not surprisingly, Briana darted out as quickly as possible. Paige and Tyson actually stopped to quickly thank me before leaving. Bethany put her pencil down, thanked me as well and proudly declared, “Wow, I learned something new today!” My heart swelled with joy and pride. In that moment, I felt affirmed that every bit of my time spent with these students has been worth it. You know those times that God chooses to demonstrate His love in a very tangible way, by allowing you to see the fruit of your labor? For me, today was one of those days.

growing up

2010-01-18T23:29:00.000-06:00

My roommate and I were on speaker phone with Time Warner today, coordinating a time for a service technician to come over to fix our internet. After setting up our appointment, the customer service representative informed us of some standardized policies in place for that visit, one of which was “An adult must be present for the entirety of the visit.” With exactly the same thought in mind, Anna and I glanced at each other with expressions of minor panic. It took only half a second for our faces to soften into smiles with the realization:

We ARE adults. That is so weird.

12 resolutions for 2010

2010-01-09T17:52:00.001-06:00

On the way back from the Passion conference a few days ago, I jotted down 12 resolutions, one for each month, that I wanted to commit to this year. I haven't nailed down which resolutions will go with which month yet but here is the list:

1. Exercise everyday
2. Take a daily vitamin everyday
3. Read 2 chapters of the Bible everyday
4. Eat a piece of fruit everyday
5. Scrub and moisturize my feet everyday
6. Shower everyday
7. Write 5 things I'm thankful for everyday
8. Take a walk everyday
9. Take 4 full days Sabbaths in 1 month
10. Verbally encourage a different person everyday
11. Sign off of Facebook for a full month
12. Sing aloud to a worship song everyday

I will be sure to post an update with my thoughts as we go through the year.

item #7

2009-10-27T23:45:00.004-05:00

~~7. Go to a concert or show with friends~~

So You Think You Can Dance,
Frank Erwin Center, Austin, TX
Oct 27, 2009

my bucket list

2009-10-23T20:43:00.002-05:00

20 things I want to do before I graduate:

1. Fly a kite in Zilker park

2. Kayak on Town Lake

3. Run a 10K in town

4. Go on a road trip with friends

5. Go out salsa dancing

6. Float the river

7. Go to a concert or show with friends

8. Organize and host a themed party

9. Watch the bats under the bridge

10. Visit friends in College Station

11. Have a picnic with friends

12. Eat at the Salt Lick

13. Attend an event that requires formal attire

14. Host a dinner party

15. Swim at Barton Springs during the summer/spring

16. Eat at the Oasis

17. Go on a short term mission trip

18. Pick strawberries at a farm (late spring)

19. See the Guttenberg Bible at the Blanton Museum

20. See a move at the Alamo Drafthouse

serving in an eternal kingdom

2009-10-07T17:23:00.007-05:00

I was walking home from class just now, reflecting on all this trouble I've gone through the last few days to line up my OU weekend plans exactly how I want them to go. I really wanted 2 tickets, at face value, and was relying on a friend of my brother's to make it happen. However, things fell through and I was left sorely disappointed. I set my expectations higher than they should have been and started trying to control all these different aspects. So naturally, when things didn't go my way, I was way more upset than I should have been.

Before Mike called me to tell me the bad news, I had been doing my quiet time, reflecting on the last half of John 18 where Jesus tells Pilate that His kingdom is not of this world. Through my meditation, God convicted me of how much of my time that I, as a servant of His eternal Kingdom, spend doing things to build my own kingdom - choosing my own agenda over things that my Master may be asking me to do or guiding me towards. I actually wrote in my journal, "What kind of servant is it who says to his master, 'I'll get to your stuff later, I'm kinda busy right now..." Any servant who demonstrated this attitude consistantly would be kicked out!

So what do I do after this wonderful revelation, but get upset to the point of tears over circumstances that I tried to control but didn't go my way. After my initial bout of disappointment, I started to ask myself why I wanted to go to the game and sit with certain people so badly. Well, because it's my senior year and I wanted to add this to my repitoire of amazing experiences that I can look back on and potentially brag about to myself or others (i.e. look at how much fun I had in college/what a committed college football fan I am/how awesome my experiences were, etc). I realized that building a kingdom doesn't just involve money and power, I also think it has a lot to do with pursuing enriching experiences for yourself at the expense of others and ultimately, looking out for your own interests, regardless of what it will take to get there and who gets inconvenienced in the process. It's not that desiring fulfilling experiences is bad or ungodly in and of itself, only when the motivation for doing it stems from pride and/or self-centeredness.

The next questions for me became, "Where are the eternal implications in this cicumstance? Where am I overlooking an opportunity to build Jesus' Kingdom instead of my own?" I know one thing: In general, attending a football game when I was 21 will not make a difference in eternity. But, what could make a difference is affirming my brother in the way he loved me well and sacrificed to try and get me 2 tickets. It could be in trusting and rejoicing in the fact that Lord has a different (and always better!) plan in mind for me to soak up the weekend. It could be demonstrating to the world that I am content, no matter the circumstances, because through Jesus, I have been given everything. Maybe that's what Paul means when he says to "Set your eyes on the things above, not on the things that are on the earth."

Jesus, Your Kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. Teach me to be a faithful servant to You and You alone. Amen.

journey to director

2009-09-29T12:48:00.002-05:00

I didn’t consider applying for the position of Director in Ignite until the August retreat, even though the director at the time, Katy, had planted the idea in my head starting months before and had asked me to prayerfully consider it at least 3 times before the retreat. So, it was in the weeks between the retreat and the application deadline that I really set my mind and my prayers toward that decision. Katy had called me a few days after the retreat to hear my thoughts on the decision and to assure me that she would be praying for me. Through my own prayers that week, I knew that God has inclined my heart toward Ignite and has gifted me in the areas of leadership and administration. However, the more I thought about all the ways God is maturing Ignite, the more I was convicted that its new director should be called by God by more than just giftings and abilities. With that thought, I was convinced that I wasn’t supposed to apply. Katy (and God) had a different idea, though. A few days later, Katy and I spoke again and I told her what I had concluded. She accepted my reasoning but over the course of our conversation, she humbly shared some things God had showed her during her own struggle to discern whether God was leading her toward applying for director or not the year before. As someone who I knew could relate exactly to where I was, I treasured the wisdom she shared and determined that I needed to persevere in seeking the Lord because my decision was not yet made. Because the director application deadline was swiftly approaching, I decided to fast one meal every day until I heard a word from the Lord. During those days of prayer and fasting, I realized that there were certain, specific things that I desired so strongly for Ignite’s next director. I recorded those things in my journal on August 27th. I desired that the new director would:

1. Be on their knees consistently and often for Ignite
2. Change the dynamic of the exec body away from a focus on logistics to prayer over logistics
3. Be a visionary for Ignite and its future
4. Set the ultimate example of commitment and dedication to the Lord and to Ignite
5. Be tuned into the Spirit’s guidance

Thus, my questions to the Lord slowly turned from, ‘Have you given me a vision for Ignite?’ and ‘Is it within Your will for me to be director?’ to ‘Am I willing to seriously commit to these 5 things?’ and ‘Could God choose to mold me into the person who embodies these things?’

About 3 days before the application deadline, Katy called during church and left me a voicemail. I didn’t even have to check the voicemail to know what she wanted to talk about. However, I knew I couldn’t call her back until after a post-church coffee date I had scheduled with one of the execs I had worked closely with the year before. This girl is a prayer warrior, if I have ever seen one, and I have always admired her zealous love for the Lord which pours forth in every prayer, conversation, and relationship. Ironically, we were both considering the director position, yet our hearts were united in love for Ignite and excitement over all He was doing in the organization. Interestingly enough, it was that conversation that prompted my realization that God really had given me vision for the next year and it was only exposed through my heartfelt and genuine expressions of affection toward Ignite to someone who shared a similar heart and a similar perspective and experiences.

In short, my newfound vision consisted of prayer as the cornerstone of every need and decision and a new dynamic with the exec body that exemplifies unity of mind and heart, Godly encouragement, and prayer. My heart was full of gratitude to the Lord for revealing the vision He had planted in my heat and for inclining my heart toward the position of director as an appropriate means to execute that vision. I returned Katy’s phone call on my way home from the coffee date. I’ve never heard her speak more urgently and confidently to me before. She told me that she had been praying fervently over the passing of this torch and she was more sure than ever that I was it. She claimed that God had given her a resolute peace about me as her successor and she also told me of some interesting conversations she was a part of that to her, easily confirmed this conclusion. At that point, I updated her on what God had revealed to me and told her I was growing more confident that I was being called to apply. Another strong source of confirmation for me was my status with VLB. Not only had God provided a job offer for me early enough in the year to know that I wouldn’t have to spend any time at all recruiting for a job, but my start date was already set for September, at least half a month after the end of the retreat! God had purposefully and decisively opened the door with regard to my time during the year and my availability to attend the retreat. Even so, I knew I had some lingering questions and concerns and wanted to hear more about her experiences over the year. Wildly enough, some of the very concerns I brought up were things that she had been convicted to address in this particular conversation. It was so bizarre! By the time we hung up, I knew in my heart that God had made His will known to me.

I rested on the word of the Lord as I slowly and prayerfully filled out the director application and attended the interview. The night of the interview is when I received the call that the execs had selected me as the 2009-2010 Ignite Director. I am so thankful for God’s faithfulness in granting me vision and direction for the year, and impressing His own desires on my heart for me to lead Ignite in pursuing. This year, I know there will be many challenges – circumstances I fully expect and others that I would have never seen coming – but I feel ready and eager to face them with the support of my execs, through the power of Jesus.

my amazing roommates

2009-09-20T11:01:00.003-05:00

I have a testimony about how God provided for me in terms of housing this year. It was this past May that my plans for housing fell to pieces. I had been planning to live in the same place I lived last year but my old roommate (whose parents own the house we lived in) and I ended up having several conversations from which it was concluded that living together again was not an option. It was a completely unexpected circumstance. At the time, I was so, incredibly frustrated over how something that I just assumed for months was said and done could so quickly slip through my fingers. Even more frustrating was the fact that this conclusion was reached a week before I was supposed to leave for NYC for the summer and I was back at square 1 in terms of housing.

It was while I was in NYC that I had to reach out to my network to see what my options were and if there were any people out there who were in my same position as I was regarding housing. I have to confess my anxiety and lack of faith that God would provide for my needs in such a way so I didn’t feel like I was “settling.” I was so convinced that everyone remotely close to my network of friends had their housing situation taken care of and I was the only one who had been left in the dust. Throughout this whole period, God provided Daniel as my voice of reason – he constantly encouraged me to fight the temptation to doubt and assured me that I had options and that God would provide – all I needed to do is keep praying and waiting.

Then, God brought Anna. Anna had heard about my circumstances and messaged me out of the blue. She explained a little bit of her story, which seemed pretty similar to mine, and confidently shared details about her nature, personality, and expectations to see if we’d be a good fit. I was immediately drawn to her faith, genuine nature, and straightforwardness. After only 1 or 2 conversations over the phone, it was obvious to both of us that we wanted to live together. Anna started looking for 2 bedroom places but we quickly realized that we had a better shot of finding a good deal with a third roommate. Interestingly enough, several third roommate candidates had contacted me on separate occasions but they all fell through for one reason or another. Anna and I were about to give up on the idea of a third person when one of my very close friends told me about Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn was getting ready to move to Texas since she had just graduated from college in May and she came highly recommended by my friend as a potential roommate. I was a little skeptical considering we were on a time crunch but I agreed to speak with her. After speaking with Kaitlyn for a little while that same night, Anna, Kaitlyn, and I ended up having a three way phone conversation. We discussed everything from personalities, family, tendencies of our nature, roommate experiences from past years, housework, and expectations for the year – some topics which I never discussed with my roommates last year the entire year. I was so, so encouraged by the time I hung the phone up and I had so much confidence that with these two girls, it was going to be a great year.

Our next obstacle was trying to find a place. Kaitlyn drove to town to help Anna search for places and the two of them kept me updated on the search. They didn’t seem satisfied with anything they were looking at and for about a week, we thought that we’d have to settle for a 2 bedroom place. Right as I was getting used to the idea of living with someone in the same room, Anna called me to say that they had stumbled across the cutest 3 bedroom townhouse close to campus that was being renovated. Both her and Kaitlyn seemed extremely excited and wanted to sign the lease as soon as I was comfortable. I didn’t have much choice except to trust their judgment and thought it well beyond me to squelch their enthusiasm. We signed the lease shortly after.

I moved in a few days before the start of the semester and instantly fell in love with the house and my new housemates. God truly has knit our hearts together and He has taught me soooo much already about faith, prayer, and His character through their lives and testimonies. Kaitlyn and I have prayed together for everything from healing of sins, to wisdom in making tough decisions, to endurance to complete tedious tasks. Anna and I have shared deep insights and wisdom that we have received from the Lord through our past experiences and mistakes. The three of us have intentionally set aside one dinner a week to eat together. We freely share food, clothes, and other possessions. I am so, so blessed and encouraged.

One of the neatest things is that Kaitlyn, Anna, and I have intentionally celebrated God’s provision together for our housing situation on so many occasions and continue to remain in awe of how God took such broken, uncertain circumstances and question marks and turned them in to something more beautiful than any of us could have ever imagined. My housemates and our townhouse are two things that serve as a reminder to me of God’s goodness every single day. I used to wish that I could package Anna and Kaitlyn up and take them to NYC with me next fall. However, because of their example, I now have faith to believe that if I ask the Lord, He is capable of providing (at least two!) friends in NYC that will encourage me toward prayer and spur me on toward Jesus as much or more as these two girls do presently. Amen and amen! I. can’t. wait.

transition from work to school: part 2

2009-09-17T12:03:00.000-05:00

As mentioned in my last post, I was drifting in and out of sleep on my bus ride home from the retreat. That statement was actually foreshadowing a 4 day fever that would start just hours after returning home from camp. I had all these grand plans for my time at home before moving up to school but instead, most of my time was spent sleeping, drinking liquids from a straw, trying to accommodate my freezing cold and suddenly blazing hot body, and watching Harry Potter movies. When my fever didn't go away after 3 days, I went to the doctor and finally got antibiotics. Praise Jesus for his common grace to doctors and pharmacists for things like pills that make you magically functional again.

All week long, I was waiting for a phone call from VLB to let me know whether I had received a job offer. It was pretty hard to wait considering the hustle and bustle of my last week of work. One thing I really appreciated was being able to pray with my two best friends from high school about this final outcome of the summer. I had no other choice but to be confidently assured that whatever happened was completely in God's hands and He would use this opportunity to clearly reveal the direction He desired for my life. Finally, it was Friday and I got the call... and the job offer!! Wow - praise the Lord for He is good. It took a week or so after that for it to really sink in and for me to think about all the amazing implications of that phone call. No recruiting for a full-time job this fall, no more suits or high heels for an entire year, no cover letter writing, no career fairs... It wasn't even September of my senior year and the Lord had provided me a job in an awful economy - and not just any job, the most ideal job opportunity that I never could have pictured when I started college. I am genuinely overwhelmed with thankfulness every time the reality of my life at this point in time sinks in. The verse that comes to my mind regarding this is James 1:17, "Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights..." I have been given so much... thank you, Jesus.

Before I knew it, it was already time to pack up my stuff for college. It was sad to leave my family but at the same time, I was really eager to meet my new roommates and move into my new place (stay tuned for the story of how this housing situation fell into place - it is yet another testimony of the goodness of our Lord). In short: Since all the details of my housing situation had been initiated and finalized while I was in NYC for the summer, I had yet to see my house and meet my roommates in person.

The last few weeks have been a crazy whirlwind. School is well underway, college football has started, Ignite has a new director (more on that later as well), and I recently accepted my job offer at VLB. I am so excited to soak up my last year in college and experience all the amazing things God has for me this year - I will definitely keep you all posted =]

transition from work to school: part 1

2009-09-05T14:57:00.011-05:00

As soon as I flew into Texas from the City, I headed straight to the Ignite retreat to soak up the last half of my "reward" after all the hard work I put into this ministry during this past school year. I didn't get to the retreat site until 1:30 AM. As I jumped out of the car and started walking, I happened to look up at the sky and distinctly remember thinking, 'Wowwww, the sky is HUGE!!!' See, Daniel has always commented on the vastness of the sky on his Texas visits, but it wasn't until I spend a whole summer in a city whose buildings and architecture impede the beauty of nature that I fully understood his perspective. Starry nights have never been so beautiful to me as they were in that moment. Even though it had been an exhausting day of work, saying good-byes to my NYC team, and travel, I was so eager to hug my college friends and ministry partners and jump into what God was doing at the retreat so far. It was wonderful to see my Ignite family and be so encouraged by them. One fun difference of this retreat is that my little brother was attending as a camper and he was able to fill me in on things I had missed out on. His joy and enthusiasm over the people he met and what he was experiencing was so exciting and refreshing.

The next morning during small group time, one of the other Execs asked me to prayer walk with her around the camp site over the small groups and the campers and staff. I was so thankful for that opportunity and loved getting to pray with someone over the campers, their time at the retreat, and their upcoming years in college. As we circled the camp together and our prayers flowed freely and easily, I couldn't help but mull over my different attitude toward prayer in NYC vs. Texas. Lord, why does it feels so incredibly difficult to pray in NYC? I'm still trying to process this idea and am becoming convinced that the difficulty is a result of the magnitude of sin and thorny soil in NYC. Sin from greed, pride, sex, and money run rampant in the City and there is so, much, ground to cover in prayer for God to redeem it as over 8 million people swarm Manhattan island on any given day. It was about a year ago where God revealed to me just how much the message and hope of Jesus is constantly choked out by "the worry of the world and the deceitfulness of wealth" (Matthew 12:18-23). I desire more insights into this, especially if God calls me back to the City for full-time work.

My tardiness to the retreat brought some funny reactions. Some people (pretty much all of the campers) had no idea who I was or confused me for another camper. I also became the butt of some jokes and teasing since I was the one who "spend the summer working on Wall Street" and that was 'such a big deal.' Others - mainly the other business majors - were eager to talk to me about my experience and glean any insight I could give them regarding recruiting, careers, and the banking industry. This was a much welcomed reaction because it was such an amazing blessing for me to offer any advice and insight that came to my mind to these eager students, especially considering how much I have been aided and offered wisdom by my older business peers (It should be said that Daniel has permanently reserved a place at the top of this list!). I was glad to help in any way I could and hope that God gives me many more opportunities to share with others with any wisdom and encouragement I gained from Him through my recruiting and internship experience in the past year. I submit that it would be a supreme dishonor to the Lord if I selfishly kept those blessings to myself.

Then, the retreat was over as quickly as it had started for me. Before I knew it, I was drifting in and out of sleep on a bus from the retreat site, trying to tune in to as many inspiring comments from the campers behind me. Without even talking to the rest of the Execs as a group, I know that we are all in awe of how God showed up at camp and took the retreat by storm. It made every second of the work we did for Ignite this past year worth it. We can't wait to see what He does through us this next school year.

my life as a summer intern: part 5

2009-08-20T18:38:00.004-05:00

Well it's been quite a while since I blogged but that definitely hasn't been because I've lacked things to talk about. I would love to summarize my last few weeks at VLB.

First of all, I spent many of my working hours preparing for the group final presentation we gave to senior management at the beginning of our last week of work. Our group worked incredibly hard trying to research, organize, prepare Powerpoint slides (which is much, much, much more time consuming that you may think!), and practice in front of people at the firm who have helped us along. I'm actually still a little bit amazed at the incredible amount of work I did for simply 6 minutes worth of presentation material. The result was fantastic. Our group received really positive feedback and I left the firm at the end of the week on a very high note. My manager told me several times how pleased he has been with my work and how much the team has appreciated my being there for the summer.

Because my work load decreased dramatically after the presentation, I had some time to reflect on whether I could see myself there full time. The answer is a resounding "yes" - I would love to be there - and I have a few reasons why:

1. In order to prepare for our presentation, I along with my group ended up conducting over 20 "interviews" with professionals across the firm to get their insight into certain topics. I spoke with people at all levels and across many groups and I can confidently say that I didn't have a negative encounter with anyone. Everyone I spoke with, even at the managing director level, was willing to sit with me and answer any questions I had. If that is truly the culture, which I have every reason to believe that it is, I love, love, love it.

2. It was never a burden to get out of bed and head to work in the morning. Well, the 'getting up' part was a bit challenging when I wasn't in bed early, but the 'going to work' part was always a joy. There were very few days that went by that I didn't learn something and I loved that opportunity.

3. I had the best manager in the world. I found out later he actually requested to have an intern this summer and he intentionally committed to developing me professionally and encouraging me to reach beyond what I thought I was capable of. He alone would have given me the best impression of VLB.

I find out very soon if VLB will present me with a full time offer into quite an amazing training program. Whether I get an offer or not, I want to say that this internship has surpassed my expectations and I have loved everyday of it. I worked as hard as I could, I met and built relationships with amazing people that I'll never forget, I left the best impression I could, and I have absolutely no regrets. The decision is out of my hands and regardless of what it turns out to be, I'm so thankful for all that the Lord let me learn and experience this summer. Praise be to Him who has led me to this point - I have every reason to believe in His faithfulness to continue to direct my life according to His perfect will for me.

my life as a summer intern: part 4

2009-07-13T20:16:00.007-05:00

This past weekend marked the halfway point of my internship and so much has happened since my last post. I'll attempt to recap the highlights:

1. Mid-summer review at VLB
On Tuesday of July 4th week, my manager and I sat down with a guy from HR to do a mid-summer evaluation. My manager, being my manager, had actually sat me down the day before my official evaluation to tell me exactly what he thought I was doing well and how I could improve. I was a little nervous that he was going to come down hard on me but instead, he had a lot of good, positive feedback for me and even put a good spin on what I could improve on. I know that he likes me a lot and appreciates my efforts and work ethic so far. His positive affirmation is comforting since I have felt the freedom to be myself at work and not put up a front to look like some kind of arrogant hot shot or something. My manager did encourage me to be even more assertive, ask even more questions, and stick my nose into even more things that are going on around me. In all seriousness, he told me to ask a ton of questions because this is the one time in my career that I can be stupid and get away with it. Personally, I think that is best career advice I've heard so far. I'm thankful everyday for how much my manager supports me and encourages me.

2. July 4th Party
I had my first and only 3 day weekend of the summer and it was sooo nice. A short week and an extra day on the weekend makes such a difference! It actually wasn't too eventful aside from our 4th of July plans. Daniel's roommate's girlfriend, Carly, and her roommates hosted a little party/get-together at their apartment, complete with a pot-luck dinner and 2 kind of sangaria. I didn't know that many people there but it was fun to listen to Texas country and meet some new faces (who were mostly from Texas) and talk about life in NYC. Later on in the evening, we headed over to the Hudson to watch the fireworks show. Apparently, a planned arrival at 8 pm was way too late for a 9:30 show because the whole street all along the Hudson was packed with people - some of whom looked like they had been there for several hours. Our group of about 12 people followed a crowd of other people who were trying to make their way onto a hill in a construction zone. People were scaling a fence to get to the hill and others tried to get around it by stepping around the corner, which was about 15 feet above ground, and crawling along the fence a few feet to get to solid ground. We were among the latter group. Almost as soon as we got to the top of the hill with the rest of the masses and got excited about our view, several men with badges and flashlights came and told everyone that we needed to leave because we were trespassing. It was equally difficult to get down the hill and out of the zone as it was to get up. I felt like I was rock-climbing in a sundress and flip flops and despite Daniel's assistance, my ankle was slightly bruised by a rock that fell on it when I slipped and slid down the hill about a foot or so. By the time we made our way out of the zone, Daniel and I had basically lost the rest of the group and more police cars had showed up to make people leave. In the end, Daniel and I ended up watching the show from the street through the chain link fence surrounding the construction zone. Even so, I enjoyed the show and now have a crazy story to tell if people ever ask about my first Independence Day in NYC.

3. Brooklyn Pizza Party
Last Sunday night after church, I somehow got ropped into some plans to go all the way to Brooklyn to eat at this famous pizza place under the Booklyn bridge. I was really uncertain at first because it was far away from home and I always get nervous about the prospect of not getting enough sleep for work. However, I'm really glad I went because it ended up being a rather large group of people - about 15 or so - and I got to meet some friends of people in my summer intern community group who were visiting NYC for the weekend. We actually ended up eating at a different pizza place because the one we had originally planned on had a 1.5 hours wait (on a Sunday night!!). Even so, I had some great conversations on the train ride into Brooklyn and I really appreciated that time to just hang out and have fun with my new friends who I treasure so much. I hope to have more face time with them before they have to leave NYC at the end of the month :/

4. Intern Happy Hour
Last week, I decided that I was not getting enough face time with the other 14 interns in our division. So, after discussing things with another intern who lives in my building, I decided to take things into my own hands by inviting all 14 of them to brewery a few blocks away from work. In my mind, a coffee shop could have done the trick but here, you have to consider that New Yorkers only like to socialize over beer. I was a little surprised over the positive feedback I got leading up to the end of day. Some of the other interns were really excited about hanging out, all were appreciative that I took the initiative to plan it and the ones who couldn't make it urged me to plan another one. Out of 15 interns, almost half showed up and my sweet boyfriend also made his way to the bar to meet some of the people I've been spending time with this summer. I was glad for the opportunity to learn about some of the projects they've been working on becuase it seems like all of our experiences are vastly different from each other's.

5. Final presentation update
Like I mentioned earlier, I have to do a group presentation to our division's senior managment with 3 other interns on a pre-determined topic. I wouldn't say I'm nervous yet but I have to admit I'm a little anxious. Our topic is extremely broad and vague at the same time and somehow we have to narrow all the material that's out there down to a 20-25 minute presentation. Not only that, but our team has to know enough about the topics we discuss to endure a 10 minute Q&A session where the senior managers will probably grill us to death. Last week, my team made good progress by interviewing about 8 people from different areas within our division to get a sense of the current financial and political landscape. Even so, the narrowing down process has been the hardest part since it seems like everyone has a different idea about what's important (depending on their background or day-to-day activities). I'm hoping we can make good progress this week.

6. Red Cat Date Night
Wow, this title sounds really spicy =]. Daniel made dinner reservations for us at this amazing restaurant in Chelsea called the Red Cat. It was a really neat looking restaurant and had hints of red scattered in various places. I had a really cool looking (and tasting) zucchini appetizer with a nice piece of salmon as an entree. I'm not very good at ingredients but they did such a great job with mixing flavors to create picture perfect dishes. It was so tasty but more than that, I was so glad for the opportunity to catch up with Daniel and exchange stories about work and friends and life. It's so strange to think that we are both working on Wall Street and for the first time in 2 years, I am finally starting to understand things about Daniel's life here I just couldn't grasp before. I know what it feels like to work 11 hour days (not good), to never feel like you have enough of an evening before another day starts, and to look forward to the weekends in such a different way than in college.

7. Day Trip to the Beach
On Saturday, Daniel planned a little getaway for us - a day trip to the beach! We woke up early in the morning and met at the train station to take an early morning train to one of the Jersey beaches. I was wide awake on the way up but Daniel definitely wasn't.

The train ride was pretty long (about 1.5 hours), Daniel was trying to sleep, so I got a little bored. So, I snapped a few pictures. Maybe I snapped too many because Daniel wasn't having fun anymore. This next pic made us both laugh aloud for awhile:

When we actually got there, the beach was so much fun and soooo relaxing. We spent the whole morning just laying out, talking, and listening to the sound of the waves. It felt so good to feel the sun like a blanket - the morning was exactly what I'd been looking forward to all winter.

After a few hours of doing basically nothing, Daniel and I ate lunch outside a nice little Japanese restaurant. We had a delicious sushi roll as an appetizer and then stuffed ourselves with a meal of chicken, fried rice, and noodles.

After lunch, we went back to the beach and found a spot to lay our towels. By that point, the beach had gotten pretty crowded with families so it wasn't quite as nice and relaxing but I still appreciated our time. From the few 'tools' we had collected during the day, we attempted to make a sand castle which required several trips to the chilly ocean for water. It ended up looking more like a sand city since we didn't have anything bigger than a cup, and we completed it with shells and gummy bears on top. It was fun to get our hands dirty and play with the clay like sand.

In the late afternoon, a storm started to blow in so we escaped New Jersey a little early for a night out in Manhattan. It was a short trip but I really was thankful for a day with no agenda or schedule and an opportunity to spend time with my best friend.

midsummer musings

2009-07-06T20:28:00.003-05:00

It's hard to believe I've been in New York for nearly 6 weeks already. Lots and lots of people have asked me how my internship is going, what I think about the City, and if I could see myself moving back here after I graduate. Since I am nearly midway through my internship, I'd like to think that I'm starting to have some solid answers to those questions but the truth is I really have no idea. Parts of my internship are so great - more than I could have asked for - but other parts could be better. There are many things I love about the City but there are also things I really don't like at all. I could definitely see myself in the City long term but it's easy to say that during the summertime, when I know I'll be gone way before the awful, cold, dreary, windy, frigid winter. But can I say that because my personality is very adaptable or because I really am drawn to this place?

I think it's pretty pointless for me to even think about answering some of those questions until I know whether VLB will offer me a job or not - this one detail will certainly change a lot of things. That detail is a story in itself though. This past week, all the interns in our division were split into groups of 4-5 and were assigned a prompt that we have to research and prepare a formal presentation on, which we will present to several managing directors and other high up people at the end of the summer. I've been told that this presentation is weighted heavily in discussions for full time offers so of course, I'm already nervous about it and it's over a month away. Even though I'm at a bank with a much more easy going, laid back culture than some, it's still competitive and it's so easy to get carried away with a "do-whatever-it-takes-to-impress-people," "stand-out-above-the-rest" and "network-with-as-many-people-as-possible" kind of attitude. It's even easier to forget that God's soveriengty and His promises to work for the good of those who love Him are just as true now, in the midst of competition and uncertainty, as they always were. It's a challenge for me to focus my heart on resting in Him versus thinking about what more I can do at work.

So, I've been pondering what the long term could look like and am trying to stay grounded and trust that God knows exactly what He's doing with me at every step, even when it's difficult for me to see or understand.

my life as a summer intern: part 3

2009-06-29T17:31:00.004-05:00

Another great week has come and gone. Work still hasn't picked up too much so my days are still mostly spent going in and out of meetings, getting to know my team, and working on small assignments here and there for my manager and group members. There have been a few points where I've actually felt bored for 20 minutes so it's my goal to figure out how to most effectively engage myself in those moments.

I attended several guest speaker events this week where I had the opportunity learn about the work experiences and perspective of senior level management:

1. Lunch & Learn with a Credit Risk officer
One of the guys who came to my school to interview me for my position this summer spoke to all the interns in our divisions on Tuesday about credit risk and about the ways VLB has been affected and how the financial landscape is changing because of the credit crisis. He was great - I appreciated him for the simple terms he used to describe things and for sharing relevant, useful, and interesting information in such an engaging way.
2. Firm-wide intern event with one of the global head's of VLB
My internship program has these mandatory speaker series events where Very Important People come to explain their particular division or role and offer career advice to us. The guy that spoke on Tuesday evening was a pretty good speaker but I think a lot of us got the sense that he really wasn't too interested in being there. Even so, there were several overzealous kids during the Q&A time who were trying to out due each other with sophisticated questions. When the Q&A time was nearly over, the speaker looked at the facilitator and asked, "Am I good [to go]?" Yeah, not such an impressive attitude in my opinion.
3. Women on Wall Street panel of Managing Directors
On Wednesday after work, a few of the other girl interns and I attended this firm-wide, women's event where 4 successful, female managing directors held a Q&A time to share their experiences and offer advice to any woman who aspires to reach
a similar level "success" in the business world. Even though I'm still trying to figure out if this type of career path is what I even want, it was very interesting to hear their perspective and learn how they got to where they are today. They had some great stories - one of them told us that earlier in her career, she dramatically packed her desk up and walked out of the office when her manager didn't promote her with the rest of her class, made up of all males. I felt like their advice and encouragement was useful since they've all been through so much - both good and bad - and have come out on the other end.

Aside from work, things have been going really great. On Thursday night, Daniel took me out on a dinner date to a fabulous, Food network-featured, Indian restaurant called Tabla. It was SOOO good! We had a 3 course meal and every course was absolute perfection - from the combination of flavors to the spices used to the food placement on the plate. I don't know if I've ever had such a perfect meal. The service was great as well - the waiter actually brought us a 3rd dessert that we had been debating over, just so we could try it! Daniel and I both felt very spoiled by it all. I am so thankful for Daniel's desire for me to know and appreciate all the great things that NYC has to offer!

This past weekend was so much fun too. On Friday evening, Daniel met me downtown and we spent a few hours hanging out in a fun area of town called South Street Seaport while we waited for the rain to stop. On Saturday, I went running in Central Park with one of my new friends in our community group. It was tough (since exercise has not been the biggest priority here) but it was our excuse to enjoy a tasty burger and chips with Daniel at a great outdoor restaurant that overlooks the Hudson afterward! Later on, Daniel and I took advantage of our down time and went to see "The Proposal" in Lincoln Center. Even though it wasn't that realistic, I thought it was very cute and the actors were great! When nighttime came, Daniel and I met his roommate and girlfriend in an area called "The Village" which is known for its restaurants, bars, and nightlife. The 4 of us enjoyed a drink at a small, dimly lit lounge and it was a great time to see them and catch up. While I'm thinking about it, I have to mention that one thing that really sets New York apart is the ridiculously close association between "fun" and "drinking." When people here think about having a good time, it almost always involves drinking in some capacity. Everywhere else, drinking is 'an option' but in New York, it's 'THE option.' This mentality is difficult for me to get used to, mainly because it's hard for me to understand, but I hope that God will show me how to relate to people here through their perceptions of drinking, not just around it or in spite of it.

On Sunday, I met a few of the other VLB interns at the Met museum. Honestly, I am not a museum person at all. In fact, I find them pretty boring and they put me to sleep. But, I figured it would be a good opportunity for me to get to know some of the interns - especially since I'd have such little interest in the artifacts around me. One of the girls I got to talk with told me that she moved to the US from Turkey for her undergrad and is now about to start her 2nd year of grad school. I was reminded of one of my missionary friends who just finished her first year ministering college students in Turkey. How crazy is it that we're doing the same thing thousands of miles apart! Anyway, this girl I met is not the first I've talked to this summer who has picked up everything, left family and friends, and come to a foreign land, knowing there was more hope and opportunity here than in their home country. I am so impressed and don't know if I could do it. I'm eager to dig a little deeper into these incredible stories.

I'll leave you with a few more valuable life lessons from my time here:

1. Pantyhose and velcro are not friends
2. If you want to be successful in business, use key phrases like "I'd be happy to do that,"I'll reach out to _____ [for that answer]", and "per our conversation..."
3. Practice makes perfect - except when it comes to ironing button down shirts
4. People are happier on Fridays

my life as a summer intern: part 2

2009-06-22T20:50:00.002-05:00

Week 2 has come and gone and it's already the start of week 3! I cannot believe how fast time is flying - it's almost July already! I knew this summer would go by fast but this is ridiculous. I'm definitely getting more comfortable around my team at work and have very little inhibition when it comes to chatting with them about their weekends, asking questions, and asking them for stuff to do. Everyone is noticeably older than me (the youngest one may be between 28-30. Okay, maybe that's not too old) but I still feel like I can relate to them well (some more than others) and I am blessed by how friendly and accepting they are of me.

My actual work flow has slowed down a bit since the first week. I haven't attended as many meetings and although my manager still takes time to teach me and explain concepts, he is asking me more and more to consult the other team members to help with any projects they have on their plates. I don't mind this but I just wish my team would actually have stuff to give me when I ask. It's one of those things where they mean well but they get to be so busy that it would take more time to explain how to do something and answer my questions, than if they were to just do it themselves.

Because of this, I've decided that I need to be more proactive in emailing others in different groups within the firm and plan meetings or lunch. It's important to me (and my manager) to learn as much as possible from other people and get the best insight and perspective about VLB as possible before the summer is over. That's a whole lot easier said than done though. My biggest inhibition, by far, is that I'll go to the trouble to meet with somebody that's way smarter than me only to understand a mere 15-20% of what they actually tell me. I wish I were more confident in myself that I can still hold an intelligent conversation with someone, even if I understand very little of what they tell me. Plus, there's a good chance I'll understand more than 20%... maybe??

This past week also marked the start of growing friendships. It was week 2 of our little summer intern community group that Daniel had a vision for back in April and May. After getting the blessing from a pastor at church, Daniel shared this vision with me when I first moved to NYC and we decided to go for it - see if students interning here for the summer were interested in studying the Bible and living life together in the City. Very quickly and easily, God brought 5 girls and 1 guy into our lives who are thirsty for community and the Word of God. Daniel has graciously hosted the group both weeks in a conference room at his office in midtown and our meetings have been the highlight of all of our weeks. We adore Daniel as our leader for his wisdom, exhortation, and testimonies which has affirmed all of us that we are in NYC for a purpose that is greater than we know. It's been so beautiful to talk about Jesus right in the middle of a City - in the middle of a building - that so desperately needs Him.

Funny enough, all of us go to school in Texas and 4 of the 5 girls plus the guy are all from the same school and are great friends. They are all wonderfully accepting, kind, genuine and so, so joyful. It usually takes me some time to warm up to people but I can honestly say that I love these people already. I admire their character and the way they long to know Jesus more. Without a doubt, this summer is the start of some beautiful friendships. I'm excited that we will get to learn from each other all summer long through our weekly meetings.

Lastly, I have decided this summer, I am going to practice the Sabbath. I've never made a good effort to do this before but after some emotional ups and downs last week (and the fact that I don't have to study for tests!!!), I decided that I need an evening to myself and to be alone with the Lord. I need time to pray and let my thoughts run without interruption. I need time that I don't feel guilty about NOT being with someone else, whether that's Daniel or church friends, or people from work. I've designated Mondays nights as my Sabbath and am excited for what God has to show me through it.

my life as a summer intern: part 1

2009-06-14T13:44:00.004-05:00

Just to make sure everyone is on the same page: I was offered a summer internship position at a very large bank back in March. From this point on, I'll refer to them as VLB (Very Large Bank). By very large, I mean that this bank has a very strong global presence and I was privileged enough to be placed in their New York City office, which is by far their largest office in the U.S. It was my only offer but it was by far my best offer and I know without a doubt that the only reason I am only here because it was the Lord's good, pleasing, and perfect will for me to be here. I am fully confident that He has ordained this time for me and I am so grateful.

I just finished my first official week of work and I am getting ready to start week 2 tomorrow. Monday and Tuesday were training days for all the interns, regardless of which division we were placed in. I made a point to introduce myself to as many people as possible and among other things, remember their names. It's been great to hear about their backgrounds and where they are coming from, as well as realize that despite that, we all have so much in common in regard to work this summer - same anxieties, same expectations (or lack thereof), same questions. It's been easy to relate so far and I'm enjoying all the new faces and new stories.

Wednesday was my first real day of work and it has been a crazy whirlwind ever since but I am loving it so far. It turns out, I was placed into the Equities Compliance division of VLB and the specific team I will be working with is kind of like an advisory group. Because they handle a lot of real time questions from traders, they have to be pretty close to the action. In fact, they actually sit on the trading floor and because my manager is kind of awesome (more on him later), I will actually be sitting on the trading floor at my manager's desk with my team as much as possible (my manger has a separate office on another floor as well). Isn't that Crazy??? In case you don't know too much about the financial services industry, a summer intern working on the trading floor is crazy talk.

Like I said, my manager is awesome. He multi-tasks like no one I've ever seen and he has this naturally kind of restless nature. He always seems to be in a bit of a hurry (in fact, I find myself all but running after him through the office) and he's great at thinking on his feet and making his perspective known in a group of people. He's like a Type A cubed. At the same time, he is incredible patient in teaching and mentoring me and he fully and actively supports me getting the absolute most out of my internship experience. In fact, he actually told me that his door is always open to me and that I am here to bug him and make my presence known - he actually expects face-to-face interaction with me on a daily basis. What a unique opportunity I have been blessed with! I can't describe how wonderful it is to know that someone in his position, with his industry knowledge and esteemed reputation is on my side - pushing me to learn and grow as much as possible.

As a result, he has asked me to join him in most of the meetings he had scheduled last week and usually introduces me as "a member of his team" vs. just "a summer intern." He has also taken time out on several occasions to explain everything from the premise of upcoming meetings to important concepts that were discussed within the meeting to the way certain projects the team is working on fit into the overall picture of what the Compliance group of VLB. I was given a few small assignments here and there but most of my time so far has been spent shadowing my manager and other members of my group through their meetings and commitments, getting a few for the culture of VLB, and trying to understand the nature and responsibilities of the Equities Compliance group.

Since I am now a working woman, here are just a few lessons I've learned so far regarding full time work at a global bank:

1. If you go to bed early enough, it is possible to wake up before 6:30 AM.

2. The ability to actively listen and think during meetings is way more important than I realized. I need work on this.

3. The best way to remember Indian people's names is to associate it with an object that sounds somewhat similar to their name.

4. Managing directors, VP's, supervisors, CEO's, etc are just everyday people.

5. 8 hours of work goes by way faster than I thought it was going to.

6. The 4 hours in between work and sleep goes by way, way, way (way, way) faster than I thought it was going to.

mom, dad: i want a jewish wedding

2009-06-07T11:00:00.002-05:00

Last night, I attended one of the most elegant, fun-filled, culture-saturated, and joyful events I've ever been to in my life! Here is the story of my first Jewish wedding. Daniel's manager at work got married in New Jersey and I got to go as his date. We've been to several weddings together in the last two years but this was our first Jewish wedding to go to and we really had no idea what to expect.

We met some of Daniel's other work friends and their dates at his office in midtown and then piled into a van together to start our crazy adventure. Since we got to the location a little early, we each grabbed a (quite delicious) glass of champagne and wandered around the downstairs lobby area of the beautiful building which would host both the ceremony (upstairs) and the reception (downstairs ballroom off of the lobby). One of the first things we noticed were these extraordinary ICE SCULPTURES which were not only decoration, but would later be utilized as giant serving dishes and bar counters. I had never seen anything like it! The ice was so clear and each was so intricately sculpted - it was breathtaking!

Finally, we made our way upstairs for the ceremony. Most of it was pretty traditional but there were a few elements that made it really unique to me. First of all, most of the men wore a kippah. Also, no one in the congregation stood up when the bride walked down the aisle. This was strange at first but the more I think about it, the more I appreciate the diminished exaltation of the bride. I don't know whether that was the intention or not but it was just something I noticed. Also, at the very end of the ceremony, the couple shattered a bowl of glass which served as a reminder that their marriage vows are permanent and irrevocable. Although I didn't necessarily agree with everything, it definitely gave me a new appreciation for the Jewish culture, their values, and love of family and friends.

After the ceremony we went back downstairs and were welcomed by tons of wait staff and bartenders who stood at 10-12 different serving locations all around the lobby. The food selection was magnificent. The guests were invited to fill however many little plates they wanted with everything from pork chops to salad to pasta to sushi to gourmet chicken and pork to shrimp to breads and cheeses and fruits to quesadillas to all the finger foods that were brought around to us by more wait staff. The guests quickly filled the room and it was hard to find a spot to enjoy all the delicious food so several of us took turns venturing out for 4th and 5th helpings. I am enjoying Daniel's work events more and more as I get to know his team and other friends around the office. They are such nice, friendly people and I really love learning about their lives and hearing their perspective about work and living in the City.

When we were about 3/4 full or so, we found out that all the wining and dining we had been doing was essentially an appetizer as the bride and her family had planned a dinner for all the guests during the official reception. Daniel's face was priceless to watch as we were told this - we were both completely shocked! Shortly after, we made our way into the beautiful ballroom and found our seats at our elegantly set table. The ballroom was HUGE and had a decent sized dancefloor, which I was very happy to see. A 10 person band comprised solely of beautiful, crazy talented men and women (which included 4 back up singers) started playing some fun, upbeat music to help welcome the wedding party into the room. Everyone in the room stood up from the table and clapped to the music as the scene built up more and more. In the weddings I've been to in the past, the bride and groom walking into the reception is practically an afterthought as all the guests are typically involved in their drinks or conversations. This was so different, though. Everyone's focus was completely on the door and all attention was directed toward welcoming the bride and groom - I loved it! I couldn't help but smile and bounce around a little in my heels to the music at the joy, excitement, and anticipation that was so contagious in the room.

One of the singers served as the announcer and walked around the dancefloor with a portable mike. He talked directly to certain tables and areas of the room and he was such a hoot! The flower girls and ring bearers came into the room first, followed by the parents of the bride and groom, each causing an uproar of applause from the guests. Each of the couples had a few minutes to dance a little bit on the floor as everyone clapped along before heading to their table. Finally the bride and groom skipped in and you can just imagine the response!

I know this post is getting long already but the next thing that happened was by far my favorite part: after watching the couple dance for a minute or two, all of the wedding guests gathered around the bride and groom and made concentric circles around them. The different circles grabbed hands and skipped in opposite directions of each other to the music shouting "Mazel tov!" and other such happy phrases. Aside from maybe major sports events, I have never seen that many happy people gathered in one place. Some chairs were brought in and the bride and groom were hoisted in the air on chairs and we all cheered as they were lifted up and down (another Jewish tradition). It was SO. MUCH. FUN. =]

The rest of the night consisted of more amazing music by the band who tended to walk around on the dance floor around the dancers, wine and champagne that kept appearing in my glasses, the best steak I've ever tasted in my life, dancing with Daniel to live oldies and current Hip Hop music, and laughing and joking with people that are slowly becoming my friends. I can't believe I'm so blessed to be here in New York, experiencing something so unique and fun and lovely all at the same time. It was an amazing night with some fun memories that I'll cherish for a long time.

the first few, very fun days

2009-06-02T22:22:00.006-05:00

I can't believe that tomorrow marks a week that I've been in New York City so far. Since moving in to my place on Sunday, the reality that I'm here for a whole 11 weeks and my purpose is much more than a vacation has slowly started to sink in. Before things start to get crazy here, I wanted to share a little bit about what the past week has been like.

One of Daniel's roommates, Derek, had a birthday on Wednesday so Daniel and I made our way to to Madison Square Park to meet some church friends at a tasty little burger & shake joint to celebrate. I didn't have much to share but it was fun to laugh at the stories and comments made and start the process of getting to know some of the people I hope to grow closer to by the end of the summer. On Thursday, Daniel took me out on a date to a nice sit-down dinner at a restaurant in the upper west side to celebrate our 2 year anniversary. We got to talk about our vision for the summer and what it could look like. Having a long, uninterrupted, face-to-face conversation is such a treat for both of us and our conversation encouraged me so much.

on Friday, I met Daniel in midtown for lunch. As we were walking back to his office building, I commented on the terrible condition of my leather sperry's. For some reason, the leather has been drying out like crazy, even after conditioning it several times with this shoe lotion I bought! Daniel recommended that I have them shined and then said that he knows of a cheerful, charismatic man who shines people's shoes everyday at a particular intersection. Before I could decide whether I was even comfortable with this idea, I was in an elevated chair in the middle of 6th Avenue while my "professional shoe shiner" reprimanded me for the condition of my shoes. He went to work immediately and I'm happy to say that despite my reservations my shoes turned out great! They look almost as good as new!

Toward the end of the afternoon, I met Daniel at his office building for a company happy hour! They catered in quite an assortment of appetizer finger foods and desserts which were all really tasty! It was fun to catch up a little bit with some of Daniel's work friends that I've gotten to meet several times during my visits to the City. Depending on who I'm talking to, I sometimes feel like I'm on my toes to say the right thing or "sound intelligent," especially when they ask me about what I'm doing this summer. But for the most part, conversation is pretty comfortable and people seem to like me and express interest in what I'm up to which is special to me. After happy hour, Daniel and I left for Brooklyn because some of Derek's friends threw him a surprise birthday party that night. I saw many of the same faces from Thursday night but I also got to meet a lot of new ones. I feel like face time will be a really important key to getting to know and feel comfortable around people at church. Several of us made our way to the roof of the building and the view of Manhattan from the edge of Brooklyn was amazingly beautiful!

Saturday was pretty low key since I woke up feeling a little under the weather. Daniel and I relaxed on the couch and watched some TV. In the late afternoon, we made our way to a neat restaurant where we enjoyed an appetizer downstairs and then went up all the way up to the restaurant's rooftop bar where we met one of Daniel's friends from work and his girlfriend. The weather was perfect and I really enjoyed meeting the two of them, especially after finding out that they are both from my hometown! I hope that we can spend more time with them over the course of the summer. Afterwards, Daniel and I went to dinner at a fun, tasty, and very welcoming Italian restaurant where we stuffed ourselves with bread and pasta.

On Sunday, I moved into my new place! It was shockingly tiny at first but I'm slowly getting used to it. Once I actually finish unpacking and find some things to put on the walls, I'll post a few pictures. Everyone who lives on nearby floors are students and student interns which makes it really convenient for me to meet people from all over the U.S. who are here to do exactly what I'll be doing. My goal is to make myself available to meet as many student interns as possible and work to build relationships with them over the course of the summer. Right now and in the next week, I know that it's important for me to take initiative, get out of my comfort zone, and really put myself out there so I won't have any regrets by the time August rolls around. So far so good. On Monday night, I participated in an event called "neighborhood tour" and got to meet and talk with more than 10 other interns who will be working all over the City. After the tour, we all ate dinner together at a diner and exchanged numbers at the end of the night.

One thing that has really been confirmed for me over the last week is that I really, really enjoy meeting and getting to know new people. I walk away energized and excited. I've kind of forgotten that because it's been awhile since I've met so many new people versus just spending time with people I already know. If you think about me, please pray that I would continue to practice diligence by knocking on people's doors and following up with the people I've met so far in my building.

may happenings

2009-06-01T23:05:00.002-05:00

May has been a crazy month of transitions which is part of the reason I haven't found much time to blog. I spent much of the 2nd week of this month buried in a library preparing for my comprehensive accounting exam that was on that Thursday night - it felt so good to get that thing over with! After that, I decided to go home to see my family even though I had a Finance exam early in the week. Daniel flew in to see his family that same weekend and we were able to spend some time fun, relaxing with each other and with our college friends. Daniel and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary of dating on May 19th! Because we couldn't actually see each other on that day, we decided to plan a fun date night to celebrate after I moved up.

When my last final was over, I went back home to spend a week and a half with my family before flying to NYC for the summer! Time at home was really good. I don't always know how much I miss running errands with Mom, telling stories to Dad, goofing off with Mike, being real with Rachel, and making Jackie laugh until I'm actually at home doing those things that I love. Home was also great cause I spent time laying out by the pool with one of my best friends, Katie, right before she left to spend the summer teaching English in Romania! I also hung out with my other best friend, Sarah, in between her traveling for internship interviews. I also got my fill of tasty Sonic drinks which I'll have to go without until August.

I'll end this post with pictures of another big change: getting a summer hair cut!

Before:

After:

"one of the greatest guys i know"

2009-05-07T01:39:00.004-05:00

Tonight I joined in the birthday festivities of a friend of mine who just graduated in December. Since she and all her friends who were there are a bit older than me, I found myself among several new faces as well as many acquaintances that I had either met before or had heard of through mutual friends. This was perfect for me considering I thrive on opportunities to meet people and build friendships in a social setting.

In the midst of my mingling, I spent a decent amount of time talking to 1 person in particular that had served in Ignite several years ago. Although I was completely new to him, I knew about him through several friends we share in common. We chatted about things like which restaurant has the best margaritas and how much Ignite has progressed since his experience in it.

Near the very end of the night, this guy found out who I am dating. (It turns out, he and Daniel hung in some of the same circles in college.) As soon as I told him Daniel's name, his tone immediately softened and he peered at me with the most incredulous expression. With all seriousness, he told me 'Daniel is one of the greatest guys I know... he is seriously one of the sweetest men out there.' Not really knowing how to respond properly to his statements, I made a comment indicating that I would convey his choice of words to Daniel and he didn't even crack a smile. He gladly gave me permission and confidently stated that he has never had an unpleasant encounter with Daniel. I easily detected a tone of utmost pride in his voice.

This conversation encouraged me greatly and makes my heart swell even more with respect and pride in Daniel. However, the fact that this is just one of many conversations I've had with someone about Daniel that was of this nature is one of the most confirming things for me in our relationship. In His infinite grace, God has shown me time and time again over the last 2 years, how he has used Daniel's humility and intentionality throughout his college years to love and encourage others. It is obvious that this love has made a very real and tangible impact to the people around him. I am so blessed.

I am going to bed tonight, filled with joy, hope, and eager expectation that God will continue to be faithful to use Daniel and I even now, in our respective cities, to make an impact on the people around us for our joy and for His glory!

Hallelujah.

long walk

2009-05-01T15:50:00.006-05:00

This morning, I decided to go on a long, 3.5 mile walk. Because I normally run the loops around my house, I am usually only thinking about how much I want to get to the finish line and not paying that much attention to the things around me. Today, I actually got to notice the neighborhood happenings and I passed some interesting things:

1. I walked by a house under construction and I looked through the large, glass front doors only to see the largest Buddha figure I've ever seen in my life, sitting squarely in the center of the living room floor. It must have been at least 20 feet tall. I couldn't believe it! I immediately thought of my friends in India who are working as temporary missionaries there and realized that the same idolatry they are fighting against is happening right in my own backyard!

2. There was a dad sitting on his front porch, holding his little baby girl. They were growling in each other's faces. It was precious. I caught his eye as I passed and he gave me this, 'being-a-new-parent-has-completely-demolished-any-embarassement-that-I-may-have-otherwise-felt-in-this-situation" expression.

3. A completely infatuated couple in a car waiting at a stoplight. sidenote: When I cross the street at a light, I usually try and catch the eye of the driver to establish a mutual understanding that I am going to pass by in front of the them and they had better not hit me (after all, I DO have a working knowledge of unintentional torts and the litigation process from my business law class). There was no hope for this driver though. end sidenote. As I passed in front of the car, I watched the guy gently pick up the girl's hand and kiss it. It's hard for me not to smile at those kind of romantic gestures...

It was a good walk.