Tuesday, September 29, 2009
journey to director
I didn’t consider applying for the position of Director in Ignite until the August retreat, even though the director at the time, Katy, had planted the idea in my head starting months before and had asked me to prayerfully consider it at least 3 times before the retreat. So, it was in the weeks between the retreat and the application deadline that I really set my mind and my prayers toward that decision. Katy had called me a few days after the retreat to hear my thoughts on the decision and to assure me that she would be praying for me. Through my own prayers that week, I knew that God has inclined my heart toward Ignite and has gifted me in the areas of leadership and administration. However, the more I thought about all the ways God is maturing Ignite, the more I was convicted that its new director should be called by God by more than just giftings and abilities. With that thought, I was convinced that I wasn’t supposed to apply. Katy (and God) had a different idea, though. A few days later, Katy and I spoke again and I told her what I had concluded. She accepted my reasoning but over the course of our conversation, she humbly shared some things God had showed her during her own struggle to discern whether God was leading her toward applying for director or not the year before. As someone who I knew could relate exactly to where I was, I treasured the wisdom she shared and determined that I needed to persevere in seeking the Lord because my decision was not yet made. Because the director application deadline was swiftly approaching, I decided to fast one meal every day until I heard a word from the Lord. During those days of prayer and fasting, I realized that there were certain, specific things that I desired so strongly for Ignite’s next director. I recorded those things in my journal on August 27th. I desired that the new director would:
1. Be on their knees consistently and often for Ignite
2. Change the dynamic of the exec body away from a focus on logistics to prayer over logistics
3. Be a visionary for Ignite and its future
4. Set the ultimate example of commitment and dedication to the Lord and to Ignite
5. Be tuned into the Spirit’s guidance
Thus, my questions to the Lord slowly turned from, ‘Have you given me a vision for Ignite?’ and ‘Is it within Your will for me to be director?’ to ‘Am I willing to seriously commit to these 5 things?’ and ‘Could God choose to mold me into the person who embodies these things?’
About 3 days before the application deadline, Katy called during church and left me a voicemail. I didn’t even have to check the voicemail to know what she wanted to talk about. However, I knew I couldn’t call her back until after a post-church coffee date I had scheduled with one of the execs I had worked closely with the year before. This girl is a prayer warrior, if I have ever seen one, and I have always admired her zealous love for the Lord which pours forth in every prayer, conversation, and relationship. Ironically, we were both considering the director position, yet our hearts were united in love for Ignite and excitement over all He was doing in the organization. Interestingly enough, it was that conversation that prompted my realization that God really had given me vision for the next year and it was only exposed through my heartfelt and genuine expressions of affection toward Ignite to someone who shared a similar heart and a similar perspective and experiences.
In short, my newfound vision consisted of prayer as the cornerstone of every need and decision and a new dynamic with the exec body that exemplifies unity of mind and heart, Godly encouragement, and prayer. My heart was full of gratitude to the Lord for revealing the vision He had planted in my heat and for inclining my heart toward the position of director as an appropriate means to execute that vision. I returned Katy’s phone call on my way home from the coffee date. I’ve never heard her speak more urgently and confidently to me before. She told me that she had been praying fervently over the passing of this torch and she was more sure than ever that I was it. She claimed that God had given her a resolute peace about me as her successor and she also told me of some interesting conversations she was a part of that to her, easily confirmed this conclusion. At that point, I updated her on what God had revealed to me and told her I was growing more confident that I was being called to apply. Another strong source of confirmation for me was my status with VLB. Not only had God provided a job offer for me early enough in the year to know that I wouldn’t have to spend any time at all recruiting for a job, but my start date was already set for September, at least half a month after the end of the retreat! God had purposefully and decisively opened the door with regard to my time during the year and my availability to attend the retreat. Even so, I knew I had some lingering questions and concerns and wanted to hear more about her experiences over the year. Wildly enough, some of the very concerns I brought up were things that she had been convicted to address in this particular conversation. It was so bizarre! By the time we hung up, I knew in my heart that God had made His will known to me.
I rested on the word of the Lord as I slowly and prayerfully filled out the director application and attended the interview. The night of the interview is when I received the call that the execs had selected me as the 2009-2010 Ignite Director. I am so thankful for God’s faithfulness in granting me vision and direction for the year, and impressing His own desires on my heart for me to lead Ignite in pursuing. This year, I know there will be many challenges – circumstances I fully expect and others that I would have never seen coming – but I feel ready and eager to face them with the support of my execs, through the power of Jesus.
1. Be on their knees consistently and often for Ignite
2. Change the dynamic of the exec body away from a focus on logistics to prayer over logistics
3. Be a visionary for Ignite and its future
4. Set the ultimate example of commitment and dedication to the Lord and to Ignite
5. Be tuned into the Spirit’s guidance
Thus, my questions to the Lord slowly turned from, ‘Have you given me a vision for Ignite?’ and ‘Is it within Your will for me to be director?’ to ‘Am I willing to seriously commit to these 5 things?’ and ‘Could God choose to mold me into the person who embodies these things?’
About 3 days before the application deadline, Katy called during church and left me a voicemail. I didn’t even have to check the voicemail to know what she wanted to talk about. However, I knew I couldn’t call her back until after a post-church coffee date I had scheduled with one of the execs I had worked closely with the year before. This girl is a prayer warrior, if I have ever seen one, and I have always admired her zealous love for the Lord which pours forth in every prayer, conversation, and relationship. Ironically, we were both considering the director position, yet our hearts were united in love for Ignite and excitement over all He was doing in the organization. Interestingly enough, it was that conversation that prompted my realization that God really had given me vision for the next year and it was only exposed through my heartfelt and genuine expressions of affection toward Ignite to someone who shared a similar heart and a similar perspective and experiences.
In short, my newfound vision consisted of prayer as the cornerstone of every need and decision and a new dynamic with the exec body that exemplifies unity of mind and heart, Godly encouragement, and prayer. My heart was full of gratitude to the Lord for revealing the vision He had planted in my heat and for inclining my heart toward the position of director as an appropriate means to execute that vision. I returned Katy’s phone call on my way home from the coffee date. I’ve never heard her speak more urgently and confidently to me before. She told me that she had been praying fervently over the passing of this torch and she was more sure than ever that I was it. She claimed that God had given her a resolute peace about me as her successor and she also told me of some interesting conversations she was a part of that to her, easily confirmed this conclusion. At that point, I updated her on what God had revealed to me and told her I was growing more confident that I was being called to apply. Another strong source of confirmation for me was my status with VLB. Not only had God provided a job offer for me early enough in the year to know that I wouldn’t have to spend any time at all recruiting for a job, but my start date was already set for September, at least half a month after the end of the retreat! God had purposefully and decisively opened the door with regard to my time during the year and my availability to attend the retreat. Even so, I knew I had some lingering questions and concerns and wanted to hear more about her experiences over the year. Wildly enough, some of the very concerns I brought up were things that she had been convicted to address in this particular conversation. It was so bizarre! By the time we hung up, I knew in my heart that God had made His will known to me.
I rested on the word of the Lord as I slowly and prayerfully filled out the director application and attended the interview. The night of the interview is when I received the call that the execs had selected me as the 2009-2010 Ignite Director. I am so thankful for God’s faithfulness in granting me vision and direction for the year, and impressing His own desires on my heart for me to lead Ignite in pursuing. This year, I know there will be many challenges – circumstances I fully expect and others that I would have never seen coming – but I feel ready and eager to face them with the support of my execs, through the power of Jesus.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
my amazing roommates
I have a testimony about how God provided for me in terms of housing this year. It was this past May that my plans for housing fell to pieces. I had been planning to live in the same place I lived last year but my old roommate (whose parents own the house we lived in) and I ended up having several conversations from which it was concluded that living together again was not an option. It was a completely unexpected circumstance. At the time, I was so, incredibly frustrated over how something that I just assumed for months was said and done could so quickly slip through my fingers. Even more frustrating was the fact that this conclusion was reached a week before I was supposed to leave for NYC for the summer and I was back at square 1 in terms of housing.
It was while I was in NYC that I had to reach out to my network to see what my options were and if there were any people out there who were in my same position as I was regarding housing. I have to confess my anxiety and lack of faith that God would provide for my needs in such a way so I didn’t feel like I was “settling.” I was so convinced that everyone remotely close to my network of friends had their housing situation taken care of and I was the only one who had been left in the dust. Throughout this whole period, God provided Daniel as my voice of reason – he constantly encouraged me to fight the temptation to doubt and assured me that I had options and that God would provide – all I needed to do is keep praying and waiting.
Then, God brought Anna. Anna had heard about my circumstances and messaged me out of the blue. She explained a little bit of her story, which seemed pretty similar to mine, and confidently shared details about her nature, personality, and expectations to see if we’d be a good fit. I was immediately drawn to her faith, genuine nature, and straightforwardness. After only 1 or 2 conversations over the phone, it was obvious to both of us that we wanted to live together. Anna started looking for 2 bedroom places but we quickly realized that we had a better shot of finding a good deal with a third roommate. Interestingly enough, several third roommate candidates had contacted me on separate occasions but they all fell through for one reason or another. Anna and I were about to give up on the idea of a third person when one of my very close friends told me about Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn was getting ready to move to Texas since she had just graduated from college in May and she came highly recommended by my friend as a potential roommate. I was a little skeptical considering we were on a time crunch but I agreed to speak with her. After speaking with Kaitlyn for a little while that same night, Anna, Kaitlyn, and I ended up having a three way phone conversation. We discussed everything from personalities, family, tendencies of our nature, roommate experiences from past years, housework, and expectations for the year – some topics which I never discussed with my roommates last year the entire year. I was so, so encouraged by the time I hung the phone up and I had so much confidence that with these two girls, it was going to be a great year.
Our next obstacle was trying to find a place. Kaitlyn drove to town to help Anna search for places and the two of them kept me updated on the search. They didn’t seem satisfied with anything they were looking at and for about a week, we thought that we’d have to settle for a 2 bedroom place. Right as I was getting used to the idea of living with someone in the same room, Anna called me to say that they had stumbled across the cutest 3 bedroom townhouse close to campus that was being renovated. Both her and Kaitlyn seemed extremely excited and wanted to sign the lease as soon as I was comfortable. I didn’t have much choice except to trust their judgment and thought it well beyond me to squelch their enthusiasm. We signed the lease shortly after.
I moved in a few days before the start of the semester and instantly fell in love with the house and my new housemates. God truly has knit our hearts together and He has taught me soooo much already about faith, prayer, and His character through their lives and testimonies. Kaitlyn and I have prayed together for everything from healing of sins, to wisdom in making tough decisions, to endurance to complete tedious tasks. Anna and I have shared deep insights and wisdom that we have received from the Lord through our past experiences and mistakes. The three of us have intentionally set aside one dinner a week to eat together. We freely share food, clothes, and other possessions. I am so, so blessed and encouraged.
One of the neatest things is that Kaitlyn, Anna, and I have intentionally celebrated God’s provision together for our housing situation on so many occasions and continue to remain in awe of how God took such broken, uncertain circumstances and question marks and turned them in to something more beautiful than any of us could have ever imagined. My housemates and our townhouse are two things that serve as a reminder to me of God’s goodness every single day. I used to wish that I could package Anna and Kaitlyn up and take them to NYC with me next fall. However, because of their example, I now have faith to believe that if I ask the Lord, He is capable of providing (at least two!) friends in NYC that will encourage me toward prayer and spur me on toward Jesus as much or more as these two girls do presently. Amen and amen! I. can’t. wait.
It was while I was in NYC that I had to reach out to my network to see what my options were and if there were any people out there who were in my same position as I was regarding housing. I have to confess my anxiety and lack of faith that God would provide for my needs in such a way so I didn’t feel like I was “settling.” I was so convinced that everyone remotely close to my network of friends had their housing situation taken care of and I was the only one who had been left in the dust. Throughout this whole period, God provided Daniel as my voice of reason – he constantly encouraged me to fight the temptation to doubt and assured me that I had options and that God would provide – all I needed to do is keep praying and waiting.
Then, God brought Anna. Anna had heard about my circumstances and messaged me out of the blue. She explained a little bit of her story, which seemed pretty similar to mine, and confidently shared details about her nature, personality, and expectations to see if we’d be a good fit. I was immediately drawn to her faith, genuine nature, and straightforwardness. After only 1 or 2 conversations over the phone, it was obvious to both of us that we wanted to live together. Anna started looking for 2 bedroom places but we quickly realized that we had a better shot of finding a good deal with a third roommate. Interestingly enough, several third roommate candidates had contacted me on separate occasions but they all fell through for one reason or another. Anna and I were about to give up on the idea of a third person when one of my very close friends told me about Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn was getting ready to move to Texas since she had just graduated from college in May and she came highly recommended by my friend as a potential roommate. I was a little skeptical considering we were on a time crunch but I agreed to speak with her. After speaking with Kaitlyn for a little while that same night, Anna, Kaitlyn, and I ended up having a three way phone conversation. We discussed everything from personalities, family, tendencies of our nature, roommate experiences from past years, housework, and expectations for the year – some topics which I never discussed with my roommates last year the entire year. I was so, so encouraged by the time I hung the phone up and I had so much confidence that with these two girls, it was going to be a great year.
Our next obstacle was trying to find a place. Kaitlyn drove to town to help Anna search for places and the two of them kept me updated on the search. They didn’t seem satisfied with anything they were looking at and for about a week, we thought that we’d have to settle for a 2 bedroom place. Right as I was getting used to the idea of living with someone in the same room, Anna called me to say that they had stumbled across the cutest 3 bedroom townhouse close to campus that was being renovated. Both her and Kaitlyn seemed extremely excited and wanted to sign the lease as soon as I was comfortable. I didn’t have much choice except to trust their judgment and thought it well beyond me to squelch their enthusiasm. We signed the lease shortly after.
I moved in a few days before the start of the semester and instantly fell in love with the house and my new housemates. God truly has knit our hearts together and He has taught me soooo much already about faith, prayer, and His character through their lives and testimonies. Kaitlyn and I have prayed together for everything from healing of sins, to wisdom in making tough decisions, to endurance to complete tedious tasks. Anna and I have shared deep insights and wisdom that we have received from the Lord through our past experiences and mistakes. The three of us have intentionally set aside one dinner a week to eat together. We freely share food, clothes, and other possessions. I am so, so blessed and encouraged.
One of the neatest things is that Kaitlyn, Anna, and I have intentionally celebrated God’s provision together for our housing situation on so many occasions and continue to remain in awe of how God took such broken, uncertain circumstances and question marks and turned them in to something more beautiful than any of us could have ever imagined. My housemates and our townhouse are two things that serve as a reminder to me of God’s goodness every single day. I used to wish that I could package Anna and Kaitlyn up and take them to NYC with me next fall. However, because of their example, I now have faith to believe that if I ask the Lord, He is capable of providing (at least two!) friends in NYC that will encourage me toward prayer and spur me on toward Jesus as much or more as these two girls do presently. Amen and amen! I. can’t. wait.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
transition from work to school: part 2
As mentioned in my last post, I was drifting in and out of sleep on my bus ride home from the retreat. That statement was actually foreshadowing a 4 day fever that would start just hours after returning home from camp. I had all these grand plans for my time at home before moving up to school but instead, most of my time was spent sleeping, drinking liquids from a straw, trying to accommodate my freezing cold and suddenly blazing hot body, and watching Harry Potter movies. When my fever didn't go away after 3 days, I went to the doctor and finally got antibiotics. Praise Jesus for his common grace to doctors and pharmacists for things like pills that make you magically functional again.
All week long, I was waiting for a phone call from VLB to let me know whether I had received a job offer. It was pretty hard to wait considering the hustle and bustle of my last week of work. One thing I really appreciated was being able to pray with my two best friends from high school about this final outcome of the summer. I had no other choice but to be confidently assured that whatever happened was completely in God's hands and He would use this opportunity to clearly reveal the direction He desired for my life. Finally, it was Friday and I got the call... and the job offer!! Wow - praise the Lord for He is good. It took a week or so after that for it to really sink in and for me to think about all the amazing implications of that phone call. No recruiting for a full-time job this fall, no more suits or high heels for an entire year, no cover letter writing, no career fairs... It wasn't even September of my senior year and the Lord had provided me a job in an awful economy - and not just any job, the most ideal job opportunity that I never could have pictured when I started college. I am genuinely overwhelmed with thankfulness every time the reality of my life at this point in time sinks in. The verse that comes to my mind regarding this is James 1:17, "Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights..." I have been given so much... thank you, Jesus.
Before I knew it, it was already time to pack up my stuff for college. It was sad to leave my family but at the same time, I was really eager to meet my new roommates and move into my new place (stay tuned for the story of how this housing situation fell into place - it is yet another testimony of the goodness of our Lord). In short: Since all the details of my housing situation had been initiated and finalized while I was in NYC for the summer, I had yet to see my house and meet my roommates in person.
The last few weeks have been a crazy whirlwind. School is well underway, college football has started, Ignite has a new director (more on that later as well), and I recently accepted my job offer at VLB. I am so excited to soak up my last year in college and experience all the amazing things God has for me this year - I will definitely keep you all posted =]
All week long, I was waiting for a phone call from VLB to let me know whether I had received a job offer. It was pretty hard to wait considering the hustle and bustle of my last week of work. One thing I really appreciated was being able to pray with my two best friends from high school about this final outcome of the summer. I had no other choice but to be confidently assured that whatever happened was completely in God's hands and He would use this opportunity to clearly reveal the direction He desired for my life. Finally, it was Friday and I got the call... and the job offer!! Wow - praise the Lord for He is good. It took a week or so after that for it to really sink in and for me to think about all the amazing implications of that phone call. No recruiting for a full-time job this fall, no more suits or high heels for an entire year, no cover letter writing, no career fairs... It wasn't even September of my senior year and the Lord had provided me a job in an awful economy - and not just any job, the most ideal job opportunity that I never could have pictured when I started college. I am genuinely overwhelmed with thankfulness every time the reality of my life at this point in time sinks in. The verse that comes to my mind regarding this is James 1:17, "Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights..." I have been given so much... thank you, Jesus.
Before I knew it, it was already time to pack up my stuff for college. It was sad to leave my family but at the same time, I was really eager to meet my new roommates and move into my new place (stay tuned for the story of how this housing situation fell into place - it is yet another testimony of the goodness of our Lord). In short: Since all the details of my housing situation had been initiated and finalized while I was in NYC for the summer, I had yet to see my house and meet my roommates in person.
The last few weeks have been a crazy whirlwind. School is well underway, college football has started, Ignite has a new director (more on that later as well), and I recently accepted my job offer at VLB. I am so excited to soak up my last year in college and experience all the amazing things God has for me this year - I will definitely keep you all posted =]
Saturday, September 5, 2009
transition from work to school: part 1
As soon as I flew into Texas from the City, I headed straight to the Ignite retreat to soak up the last half of my "reward" after all the hard work I put into this ministry during this past school year. I didn't get to the retreat site until 1:30 AM. As I jumped out of the car and started walking, I happened to look up at the sky and distinctly remember thinking, 'Wowwww, the sky is HUGE!!!' See, Daniel has always commented on the vastness of the sky on his Texas visits, but it wasn't until I spend a whole summer in a city whose buildings and architecture impede the beauty of nature that I fully understood his perspective. Starry nights have never been so beautiful to me as they were in that moment. Even though it had been an exhausting day of work, saying good-byes to my NYC team, and travel, I was so eager to hug my college friends and ministry partners and jump into what God was doing at the retreat so far. It was wonderful to see my Ignite family and be so encouraged by them. One fun difference of this retreat is that my little brother was attending as a camper and he was able to fill me in on things I had missed out on. His joy and enthusiasm over the people he met and what he was experiencing was so exciting and refreshing.
The next morning during small group time, one of the other Execs asked me to prayer walk with her around the camp site over the small groups and the campers and staff. I was so thankful for that opportunity and loved getting to pray with someone over the campers, their time at the retreat, and their upcoming years in college. As we circled the camp together and our prayers flowed freely and easily, I couldn't help but mull over my different attitude toward prayer in NYC vs. Texas. Lord, why does it feels so incredibly difficult to pray in NYC? I'm still trying to process this idea and am becoming convinced that the difficulty is a result of the magnitude of sin and thorny soil in NYC. Sin from greed, pride, sex, and money run rampant in the City and there is so, much, ground to cover in prayer for God to redeem it as over 8 million people swarm Manhattan island on any given day. It was about a year ago where God revealed to me just how much the message and hope of Jesus is constantly choked out by "the worry of the world and the deceitfulness of wealth" (Matthew 12:18-23). I desire more insights into this, especially if God calls me back to the City for full-time work.
My tardiness to the retreat brought some funny reactions. Some people (pretty much all of the campers) had no idea who I was or confused me for another camper. I also became the butt of some jokes and teasing since I was the one who "spend the summer working on Wall Street" and that was 'such a big deal.' Others - mainly the other business majors - were eager to talk to me about my experience and glean any insight I could give them regarding recruiting, careers, and the banking industry. This was a much welcomed reaction because it was such an amazing blessing for me to offer any advice and insight that came to my mind to these eager students, especially considering how much I have been aided and offered wisdom by my older business peers (It should be said that Daniel has permanently reserved a place at the top of this list!). I was glad to help in any way I could and hope that God gives me many more opportunities to share with others with any wisdom and encouragement I gained from Him through my recruiting and internship experience in the past year. I submit that it would be a supreme dishonor to the Lord if I selfishly kept those blessings to myself.
Then, the retreat was over as quickly as it had started for me. Before I knew it, I was drifting in and out of sleep on a bus from the retreat site, trying to tune in to as many inspiring comments from the campers behind me. Without even talking to the rest of the Execs as a group, I know that we are all in awe of how God showed up at camp and took the retreat by storm. It made every second of the work we did for Ignite this past year worth it. We can't wait to see what He does through us this next school year.
The next morning during small group time, one of the other Execs asked me to prayer walk with her around the camp site over the small groups and the campers and staff. I was so thankful for that opportunity and loved getting to pray with someone over the campers, their time at the retreat, and their upcoming years in college. As we circled the camp together and our prayers flowed freely and easily, I couldn't help but mull over my different attitude toward prayer in NYC vs. Texas. Lord, why does it feels so incredibly difficult to pray in NYC? I'm still trying to process this idea and am becoming convinced that the difficulty is a result of the magnitude of sin and thorny soil in NYC. Sin from greed, pride, sex, and money run rampant in the City and there is so, much, ground to cover in prayer for God to redeem it as over 8 million people swarm Manhattan island on any given day. It was about a year ago where God revealed to me just how much the message and hope of Jesus is constantly choked out by "the worry of the world and the deceitfulness of wealth" (Matthew 12:18-23). I desire more insights into this, especially if God calls me back to the City for full-time work.
My tardiness to the retreat brought some funny reactions. Some people (pretty much all of the campers) had no idea who I was or confused me for another camper. I also became the butt of some jokes and teasing since I was the one who "spend the summer working on Wall Street" and that was 'such a big deal.' Others - mainly the other business majors - were eager to talk to me about my experience and glean any insight I could give them regarding recruiting, careers, and the banking industry. This was a much welcomed reaction because it was such an amazing blessing for me to offer any advice and insight that came to my mind to these eager students, especially considering how much I have been aided and offered wisdom by my older business peers (It should be said that Daniel has permanently reserved a place at the top of this list!). I was glad to help in any way I could and hope that God gives me many more opportunities to share with others with any wisdom and encouragement I gained from Him through my recruiting and internship experience in the past year. I submit that it would be a supreme dishonor to the Lord if I selfishly kept those blessings to myself.
Then, the retreat was over as quickly as it had started for me. Before I knew it, I was drifting in and out of sleep on a bus from the retreat site, trying to tune in to as many inspiring comments from the campers behind me. Without even talking to the rest of the Execs as a group, I know that we are all in awe of how God showed up at camp and took the retreat by storm. It made every second of the work we did for Ignite this past year worth it. We can't wait to see what He does through us this next school year.
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