a journey

It's hard to believe I've been in New York for nearly 6 weeks already. Lots and lots of people have asked me how my internship is going, what I think about the City, and if I could see myself moving back here after I graduate. Since I am nearly midway through my internship, I'd like to think that I'm starting to have some solid answers to those questions but the truth is I really have no idea. Parts of my internship are so great - more than I could have asked for - but other parts could be better. There are many things I love about the City but there are also things I really don't like at all. I could definitely see myself in the City long term but it's easy to say that during the summertime, when I know I'll be gone way before the awful, cold, dreary, windy, frigid winter. But can I say that because my personality is very adaptable or because I really am drawn to this place?

I think it's pretty pointless for me to even think about answering some of those questions until I know whether VLB will offer me a job or not - this one detail will certainly change a lot of things. That detail is a story in itself though. This past week, all the interns in our division were split into groups of 4-5 and were assigned a prompt that we have to research and prepare a formal presentation on, which we will present to several managing directors and other high up people at the end of the summer. I've been told that this presentation is weighted heavily in discussions for full time offers so of course, I'm already nervous about it and it's over a month away. Even though I'm at a bank with a much more easy going, laid back culture than some, it's still competitive and it's so easy to get carried away with a "do-whatever-it-takes-to-impress-people," "stand-out-above-the-rest" and "network-with-as-many-people-as-possible" kind of attitude. It's even easier to forget that God's soveriengty and His promises to work for the good of those who love Him are just as true now, in the midst of competition and uncertainty, as they always were. It's a challenge for me to focus my heart on resting in Him versus thinking about what more I can do at work.

So, I've been pondering what the long term could look like and am trying to stay grounded and trust that God knows exactly what He's doing with me at every step, even when it's difficult for me to see or understand.

Labels: faith, life, work