Thursday, February 5, 2009
doreen
My three roommates and I have this next door neighbor named Doreen. She is 87 years old, lives alone, owns about 6 cats and dogs, drives a turquoise jeep, and can be continuously seen in her yard pulling weeds or watering her yard. When we first moved in, my roommates happened to all meet her before I did. So, my first second-hand impressions of her were that she is friendly, talks A LOT, gossips about the neighbors, and will keep you locked into a one-sided conversation for up to an hour. That didn't give me much motivation to meet her in the first place but I knew I had to eventually considering she knew my name, major, hometown, and the fact that I don't own a car. When I finally did go over and introduce myself early in the fall, she definitely kept my attention for over half an hour, telling me all about her pets, things she did in her childhood, which neighbors had which psychological illnesses, and which ones were desperate for husbands.
Since that first encounter, I have had several other conversations with her and they all seem to turn out the same. She will ask me one or two question about myself and then launch off into story after story after story. Although some of her stories are amusing, I can only feign interest for so long. I know that she is lonely and just needs someone to talk to but I will readily admit that it is so, so difficult for me to be around that woman and show patience. Even so, Doreen has grown on 2 of my roommates over the course of the semester. One of these roommates came up from home several times to visit Doreen and keep her company during the holiday season. The other roommate spent about 3 hours in our backyard with Doreen the other day cutting down weeds and pesky trees. They have developed an incredible sense of compassion and love for her that I just can't find within my own heart for some reason.
A few weeks ago, we found out Doreen was going to have surgery on February 4th in an effort to replace her left shoulder which has been immobile for awhile now. We've all been especially nervous about the procedure considering her age and the fact that she does not believe in Jesus. For these last few weeks, I have tried reflecting on several different Truths in an effort to feel motivated to demonstrate sacrificial love to Doreen. I've thought about the Golden Rule in Deuteronomy 6, the numerous verses all over Scripture which command us to take care of the poor and widowed and serve "the least of these". This may sound far-fetched, but I've even tried picturing Doreen as Jesus in light of the prophesy in Matthew 25 that describes how the sheep will be separated from the goats. Still, my motivation always wears off eventually.
Today, as I thought about Doreen recovering in the hospital, I questioned God about my heart regarding her. Have I really grown so cold-hearted that the thought of going to visit her seems like such a burdensome obligation? Is the knowledge of her suffering eternal damnation not enough for me to give up several hours of my day to listen to her? This was truly a disturbing reflection so I proceeded to tell God why I was finding it so difficult to love her. It was about here when God hit me with a pretty strong conviction. See, I was telling Him that Doreen just doesn't stop talking, and she's so SELFISH... all she talks about is herself and doesn't even considering stopping to listen to anything from the person she's talking to. Which sounds kind of like... me.
After all, I cannot easily separate myself from the masses of disciples who pray many selfish, one-sided prayers, and rarely stop their stream of many words to listen to the One with whom they are speaking. Yet, what an incredible love the Father has for us that He not only listens patiently and selflessly, but continues to direct our paths, grant our requests, shower us with grace and good gifts, and make Himself known to us anyway. Wow.
Therefore, I choose to go joyfully to the hospital today to listen, with the utmost humility, to whatever Doreen wants to say. Thank you Jesus, for your incredible patience and unconditional love.
Since that first encounter, I have had several other conversations with her and they all seem to turn out the same. She will ask me one or two question about myself and then launch off into story after story after story. Although some of her stories are amusing, I can only feign interest for so long. I know that she is lonely and just needs someone to talk to but I will readily admit that it is so, so difficult for me to be around that woman and show patience. Even so, Doreen has grown on 2 of my roommates over the course of the semester. One of these roommates came up from home several times to visit Doreen and keep her company during the holiday season. The other roommate spent about 3 hours in our backyard with Doreen the other day cutting down weeds and pesky trees. They have developed an incredible sense of compassion and love for her that I just can't find within my own heart for some reason.
A few weeks ago, we found out Doreen was going to have surgery on February 4th in an effort to replace her left shoulder which has been immobile for awhile now. We've all been especially nervous about the procedure considering her age and the fact that she does not believe in Jesus. For these last few weeks, I have tried reflecting on several different Truths in an effort to feel motivated to demonstrate sacrificial love to Doreen. I've thought about the Golden Rule in Deuteronomy 6, the numerous verses all over Scripture which command us to take care of the poor and widowed and serve "the least of these". This may sound far-fetched, but I've even tried picturing Doreen as Jesus in light of the prophesy in Matthew 25 that describes how the sheep will be separated from the goats. Still, my motivation always wears off eventually.
Today, as I thought about Doreen recovering in the hospital, I questioned God about my heart regarding her. Have I really grown so cold-hearted that the thought of going to visit her seems like such a burdensome obligation? Is the knowledge of her suffering eternal damnation not enough for me to give up several hours of my day to listen to her? This was truly a disturbing reflection so I proceeded to tell God why I was finding it so difficult to love her. It was about here when God hit me with a pretty strong conviction. See, I was telling Him that Doreen just doesn't stop talking, and she's so SELFISH... all she talks about is herself and doesn't even considering stopping to listen to anything from the person she's talking to. Which sounds kind of like... me.
After all, I cannot easily separate myself from the masses of disciples who pray many selfish, one-sided prayers, and rarely stop their stream of many words to listen to the One with whom they are speaking. Yet, what an incredible love the Father has for us that He not only listens patiently and selflessly, but continues to direct our paths, grant our requests, shower us with grace and good gifts, and make Himself known to us anyway. Wow.
Therefore, I choose to go joyfully to the hospital today to listen, with the utmost humility, to whatever Doreen wants to say. Thank you Jesus, for your incredible patience and unconditional love.
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